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Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.

When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.

Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.

 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.

If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.

Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.

Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.

Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.

Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.

A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.

Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

(via The Darling Bakers)

More people need to know this.

This is so incredibly important. I’ve seen people with depression ostracized so many times, and I cannot stress how much it means to each and every person I’ve tried to reach out to after whatever “falling-outs” they’ve had due to depression. Remember to always be compassionate and kind to all friends like this, because you never know what they’re going through.


DIY Hoop Skirt Tutorial from Make It & Love It. This is an extremely detailed tutorial and you can change the measurements easily to make this for people of all ages and sizes. The really cool thing about this hoop skirt is that the pex pipe tubing is used from the plumbing section for the hoops.

Here is a before and after of this dress with and without the DIY hoop skirt from Make It & Love It.


If you think your baby’s crazy-magical, while other people see it as just another baby (or worse)…

…is it because your brain fills with a powerful post-orgasm hormone every time you see it?

THIS WEEK: In a live taping at the LA Podfest, Cracked writers Jack O’Brien, Dan O’Brien, Soren Bowie and Michael Swaim discuss the weird things we don’t know about the psychology and physiology of babies. Did you know babies have extra bones? Or that babies from different countries cry in different languages? And don’t worry, we’ll explain that boning hormone thing in full.

Babies Are Sociopaths (According to Science)

I had my first child at 25 and my second at 27.  I feel pretty excluded from the media, for varying reasons.  Most people when they meet me are a little surprised to learn that I’m a mom.  I have a green mohawk, I listen to punk rock, I’m active in roller derby at the provincial and national level, I’m an active cosplayer.  In short, I have a life outside my kids.  It seems to me, in film at least, they never show women who have satisfying careers or hobbies who also have satisfying home lives.  Kathryn Heigel’s character in Knocked Up feels she has to lie about being pregnant for fear of damaging her career.  In Away We Go, Maggie Gyllehaal is basically a cartoon of the attachment parenting movement.   I haven’t seen Baby Mama, but there’s a scene in the trailer where Tina Fey watches Neve Campbell lick something off her kid while asking if it’s chocolate or poop.  I’ve had that same question, but ya know what I used instead of my tongue?  A baby wipe.  

Meanwhile on tv, we’re got Honey Boo Boo, Dance Moms and Toddlers & Tiaras and all that craziness.  Look, I want my kids to do well, but that shit looks hard and we have a hard enough time keeping every one in clean underwear and playing the day care bill.

Can we quit it with the jokes about never getting any sleep or not taking a shower?  Because, yes, it does happen, but it’s like fighting a war, I found it was half an hour of insanity, followed by three hours of waiting (or hopefully napping or watching Bubble Guppies.)

There has been a few episodes that I have connected to like Pam on The Office struggling to breastfeed her newborn, or Reagan and Chris’ sex life on Up All Night.  Maybe it is getting better, but I doubt they’ll ever show the terrified 25 year old art school drop out being gifted a box crayons while a tiny screaming human puked down her one clean nightgown.

Or maybe they will, could be a good AMC show.

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